Beautifully Broken

A story of hope for the hurting and broken

Hello, World!

My name is Hope and I would like to welcome you into my world. I’ve lived my whole life with chronic pain and was recently diagnosed with a genetic disorder called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I will explain more about this and how it has shaped my life as I go. What my goal is for this blog is that you will find some joy, hope, and peace as you come with me on my journey through life. I want you to know that what ever has or is causing you pain in your life that you are not alone. This life is hard and if we are going to get through it we need each other and we need God. Please join me, I’d love to have you along for the ride.

Romans 5:3-5 “And not only that, but we glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character, and character hope.  Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”



So, my husband has been gone now for almost 2 months, or 8 weeks, or 56 days or 1,344 hours….you get the point. It’s been a long time. He had to leave for work and was only supposed to be gone 3-4 weeks but nothing went according to plan, so here I sit counting doneContinue reading “Self-Reliance”


I’ve learned that watching the weather in the South is similar to watching a soap opera. Entering from stage south we have tropical disturbance 99 but little does it know it’s coming into a very hostile atmospheric situation, causing little more than some cloudy skies and some minor rain fall. But wait, what’s this? IsabelContinue reading “Disturbance”


There’s times in life where we ask God why and are met with nothing but silence. On occasion He decides to graciously lift the vail and reveal just a hint of what He’s accomplishing behind the scenes. I don’t know if I can do this story justice but I have to share the miracle thatContinue reading “Pause….continued”


As I was sitting here praying about what to write, I received a phone call from the doctor. I just had my first mammogram this week and let me tell you something, those things hurt!!! I’d heard that they were uncomfortable but as my knees buckled from the pain and I was suspended by only my extremely squished boob, uncomfortable wasn’t the word that came to mind. As I was trying to catch my breath after the first image was taken the radiologist said, “You have extremely dense breast tissue, but I’m sure you know that.” All I could manageContinue reading “Pause”

The Future

I can’t believe summer is almost over already! Less than three weeks before school is back in full swing. And to be honest I’m not sure if I’m dreading it or looking forward to the routine again. I think the future always holds a little bit of a bitter sweet appeal to it. I’m grateful for the extra time with my daughter and husband, and all the slower more relaxed moments. I’m looking forward to seeing what this next year is going to bring her and what my life holds for me. The future for some I found out isContinue reading “The Future”

God is Bigger

I stumbled across something in the book of Job the other day that left me in awe. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this story it goes something like this… Satan comes before God and innocently states he’s been out roaming the earth, yet we all know “the devil walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.” (1 Peter5:8b) Unprompted God asks him if he’s considered His servant Job. At this point you’d assume Job has royally messed up and God is using Satan as His attack dog, yet the very next words out ofContinue reading “God is Bigger”


This week we took a mini vacation to the beach. I sent these photos to some of my family and friends while I was soaking up the rays and enjoying God’s creation. The responses I got ranged from, “so happy for you” to “I hate you.” Of course the “I hate you” was from my friend that was stuck at work and was meant in the nicest of ways. It made me realize how most of the times we don’t know the cost behind the highlights we see in people’s lives. I didn’t tell them that the 2.5 hour driveContinue reading “Cost”


A pastor once said that fear stands for Fake Evidence Appearing Real. Ten days ago my husband and I were rear-ended. My husband had a stiff neck and headaches off and on for awhile but seems to be back to normal. Unfortunately, due to my genetic disorder I don’t bounce back quite as well. The first time we were rear-ended four years ago I ended up having to get my back fused due to a ruptured disc. The fear set in right after we were hit and has been slowly eating away at me. Now as my sciatic nerve hasContinue reading “Fear”


Back in 2012 I got my first migraine. We were on our way to Disneyland with our kids and out of the blue I was blindsided by a migraine. Form that time on I began having what they finally diagnosed as daily persistent headaches with migraines. I had been in and out of the doctors office up to this time but this began years of being ping-ponged back and forth between doctors and specialist. Each one would discover something they thought was causing the issue, or a “new” issue and quickly pass me off to a new doctor. For example,Continue reading “Answers”


I don’t know about you but I’m not a huge fan of vulnerability. My brother encouraged me to read the book “Daring Greatly” which is all about how to be vulnerable and why it’s important. Don’t ask me why but I’ve started reading it. It’s good but has been very challenging. You might think that because I put it all out here on the blog that I’m a very open person, that couldn’t be further from the truth. This is a very safe place for me, for the most part no one knows me here so it’s way easier toContinue reading “Vulnerability”


My sister-in-law and her three kids are here visiting this week. As I watch her with her 2, 5, and 7 year old it made me wonder, what is the hardest stage of parenting? I have an almost 15 year old and a 20 year old so I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum as she is. It was a beautiful sunny day so we all decided to go to the beach yesterday. Usually when we go my daughter and I pack some snacks and drinks, then go get dressed, meet on the back patio to help each otherContinue reading “Parenthood”


I grew up in a family of seven kids. I have two older biological brothers and four adopted siblings. I was seven when my family grew immediately with the adoption of three children from Korea, 2 girls and a boy. That story needs it’s own day, but to put it simply they had been through hell and brought a lot of emotional baggage with them, understandably so.  The damage from all they had been through brought chaos and confusion to our home life and turned it into one gigantic emotional roller coaster ride. Therefore I realized emotions were a badContinue reading “Emotions”

Depression and Anxiety

If you have ever battled depression and anxiety, you know they are worthy foes. I recently saw this description of them ~ Depression is when you don’t really care about anything. Anxiety is when you care too much about everything. And having both is just like hell. In a previous post I told y’all I have a genetic condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS). EDS has a huge family tree with all sorts tag-a-long diagnosis, two of them are depression and anxiety. These twin devils like to reek havoc on your brain and emotions while EDS is pummeling your body. They’veContinue reading “Depression and Anxiety”

Is God good?

A friend recently posed this question to me, “Why do you believe that God is still good after all you have been through?” I would say the bigger question for me is, do I really believe God is good? I believe in God, that He’s loving and all powerful, merciful, just, caring…but good? Why is that so hard for me to grasp. There was a song that came out when I was going through a hard time called “Good, Good Father”. I couldn’t even sing the words, because in my heart if He was a good Father He wouldn’t haveContinue reading “Is God good?”


Before we got married Daniel and I decided that we wanted to wait 3-5 years before we had kids and then have 3-4 about 2-3 years apart, and then God laughed.  As I’ve mentioned our first child was born a mere 18 months after we got married.  When our son was almost two I figured it was time to start trying for our second.  I don’t know if you have moments in time that are forever frozen in history for you, but this is one of mine.  I was walking out of our home office and getting ready to headContinue reading “Faith”


I’ve realized that a lot of times when I’m trying to make sense out of situations in my life writing it down helps me unscramble all the pieces.  So, welcome to my therapy session!  Some areas in my life that I’ve struggled to find balance and direction with are trials, tribulations and discipline.  At first glance they may all seem the same but I think there’s some very big differences. Trials ~ I used to look at trials and tribulations as the same thing but in the Bible the word trial is translated as temptation or testing.  1 Peter 1:6Continue reading “Struggles”


When I was little I tried desperately to not be noticed because if I was noticed I might get in trouble, or even worse I might get pointed out as an example of how to be the “perfect” child making me an enemy to all.  So I made a career out of being invisible thinking this would bring me happiness, or at least peace.  As I hit the wonderful adolescent years the normal fear of looking like an idiot was added to my list of pros to being invisible.  Part of being invisible was the ability to morph into whatContinue reading “Invisible”


A friend shared a post with me yesterday that was really good and encouraging. Along with that post the above picture was shown. Immediately I fell in love with it. My friend stated that the photo reminded her of my post where I mentioned my daughter telling me not to hide my scars. I was honored. I don’t know why I’d be excited that a picture of a women battered and bloody in armor would remind her of me. Maybe it’s because as a child I was always known as the weak and sickly one. I liked to imagine myselfContinue reading “Scars”


I was thinking this morning about perspective.  When taking photos you can make the viewer see what you want them to.  When buying something online people are really good at making the product look amazing.  For example I bought a pair of decorative columns the other day off the marketplace and had to drive a half hour to get them.  Daniel had asked me before I committed to buying them how tall they were.  I said based on the picture of them standing in a doorway probably over four feet.  I got there and found out they are about twoContinue reading “Perspective”

Even if…

“How do you live with pain all the time?”  This is the question that was recently voiced to me and has been asked in many different forms and variations over the years, and I usually brush it off with my typical, it’s no big deal, I can handle it, it’s a blessing in disguise.  But all night I couldn’t stop thinking about my answer.  This is what I wanted to say. Pain sucks.  Being in pain 24/7 is exhausting, mentally and physically exhausting.  You literally get to the point on some days where you are functioning on auto pilot andContinue reading “Even if…”


I don’t know how many times in my life I thought I’ve dealt with something only to have it raise it’s ugly head years later.  I’m starting to realize that we don’t always understand the extent of the damage done at the moment of impact.  For example, we recently experienced hurricane Sally.  It was a strong cat 2 and moved at the painstaking speed of 2 mph and dumped 18inches of rain in less than 24 hours.  Fences were knocked down, trees uprooted, roofing was removed and the landscape was flooded.  We went out the next morning to assess theContinue reading “Broken”


Early on in my marriage God tried to teach me an important lesson that I feel like I’m still in the process of grasping.  I mentioned earlier that I had a lumpectomy, here’s that story. In December, five months after we were married I found a mass in my breast.  Since I’m a proud card carrying member of the itty bitty titty committee the size of the mass made it impossible to miss.  When I first went into the doctor she was very dismissive and told me that I just didn’t know what a breast was supposed to feel likeContinue reading “Storms”


Have you ever had times were you think you’re making a good decision and then years later you look back and realize that it was God’s direction and perfect plan being worked out and you were just going along for the ride?  That’s what happened when I met my husband Daniel.  I thought I had found a good guy.  He was a believer and everyone approved and I loved him to what capacity I was able to.  The way we met and our whirlwind courtship is a whole other story, but the short version is we met in December, startedContinue reading “Choices”


There are so many out there like me that suffer from chronic pain and have fought through and may still be fighting through diagnosis’s and doctors not believing them. This is why I’m sharing my story, to let you know you are not alone and to give you hope to keep fighting.  I wanted to explain about my genetic disorder called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS).  Since this is the only body I’ve ever had (I know, shocking) I assumed that everything I was going through was normal.  I would like you to know the basics because a lot of what I’mContinue reading “Ehlers-Danlos”

Hulk Smash

How do you sum up forty years of life?  What do you include and leave out?  You might say just tell us the highlights.  In reality the mundane day to day life is what taught me the biggest lessons.  We’ve all read about people who have had that aha moment.  They have fallen on their face sobbing before God begging and pleading for answers and were rewarded with clarity and direction.  Like a light had been turned on and they knew why and what they were supposed to do.  That’s not my story.  Don’t get me wrong, there have beenContinue reading “Hulk Smash”


Have you ever tried to grasp reality only to realize its ever changing?  Like trying to chase a mirage, the closer you think you’re getting to reality the more it changes.  There have been so many times in my life where my reality has been changed, challenged, and completely uprooted.  I don’t handle change very well.  Sometimes I forget how much I hate it and I beg for change and then fight against it when it happens and find myself grasping at the way things were because they were at least known.  Sometimes I try to go back, see ifContinue reading “Introduction”

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